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:iconrikkilee-robertson:
Pro's: Very well done and well written, like I said I'm sure authors have thought 'This won't get published!' but then it does. So I wouldn't say it was bad, it was quite good really. I mean the part I read when we were talking in the comments was good, but mixed in with the whole story it was great.

Cons: Nothing to put here really, except one character confusion. This part right here: "I wanna pony!" TARS yelled. "Pony, pony, pony!"
"Toby, shut him up will you!" Clark obviously had enough of the screaming.
"But I want a pony too!" Clark whined.
Putting down the soldering gun, Clark shot his brother a look. "You're older than him and I will not tolerate this from both of you!"

Where it says "But I want a pony too!" said Clark it should be said Tony.
Other than that there's nothing wrong with it.

My personal rating system:

Originality: 4/5
Creativity: 4/5
Characters: 4/5 -Just about everything I read you use these characters.
Story line: 5/5 Despite character repetition in everything you write your stories come together beautifully.
AWESOMENESS: 10/10

Overall: 27/30

Overall comment: Well written, and well created. Try be a bit more observant with what character says what, and try not to write late at night either. Also COme up with a few new OC's every now and again. Repetitive characters for long periods of time get slightly boring and a little predictable. But overall really well done. :D
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Comments


:iconstrudel--cutie4427:
Strudel--Cutie4427 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013   Writer
Strangely it's ONLY Clark I screw up XD Last time I used Clark instead of Clyde.

Most of the time I do write at night because that's my best ideas. THen in the morning I fix any and all my mistakes (that I can see)

As for the characters I have written a few lately with my OC Nethaniel interacting with cannon characters from TUFF Puppy (Idk if you've read them though) but mostly I don't come up with ideas, they seem to gush out of me XD But I'll take that into account and write different characters more often :)
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