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Pros: I can see that your grammar and punctuation has gotten better, but I think I till saw at least one too, to and two mistake. It does get confusing and is a common mistake among a lot of writers. I like where you've taken the story, (and I keep saying I won't be able to critique you if you keep doing well xD) I really can't wait to see where it ends, if there is another story coming.

Cons: I can't find any cons. Which is a good thing. I really, really like the story as a whole.


Creativity: 5/5
Characters: 4/5
Story-line: 5/5
Originality: 5/5

Over all: 29/30

Over all comment: I find your style very interesting. I love reading your work. By far the best score I have given to anyone. Truly a good effort. ^^
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JediJoshus007 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, thanks again. I was going to let you to edit but found this editing program called white-smoke(I know what a name.) but it was only a 3 day period. Then I saw that my Microsoft word07 grammar settings were off. :iconfacepalmplz:

As for more, well I have some ideas. ;)
rikkilee-robertson Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Cool. Can't wait to see more! :)
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