Pros: I can see that your grammar and punctuation has gotten better, but I think I till saw at least one too, to and two mistake. It does get confusing and is a common mistake among a lot of writers. I like where you've taken the story, (and I keep saying I won't be able to critique you if you keep doing well xD) I really can't wait to see where it ends, if there is another story coming.

Cons: I can't find any cons. Which is a good thing. I really, really like the story as a whole.

Rating:

Creativity: 5/5
Characters: 4/5
Story-line: 5/5
Originality: 5/5
AWESOMENESS: 10/10

Over all: 29/30

Over all comment: I find your style very interesting. I love reading your work. By far the best score I have given to anyone. Truly a good effort. ^^